mercurious

Hyperbole Essay Muses a Protestant Split Over Jesus Phone

Release a breakthrough product, ready the defenses. Slash prices within 60 days of its release. Pre-test an elaborate consumer store credit program. Maintain control of user experience, revenue streams, and product integrity. Expedite firmware drops to shore up security against an unpredictably vigorous, yet independent, and ingenious rogue software design movement. Monitor ensuing online chatter and surveil the field, ready to deploy assets.

Such is the life of Applists, at the brink of factioning off into a ruthless, fringe element, no longer allegiant to Pope Jobs. These followers protest, disillusioned with the rejection of their effusive prayers and deeds in the name of the product’s church. Emblems of the faith, splendid exemplars of user interface mantras led by installers as elegant as “undocumented features,” spreading customizations and innovations of every whim as if Gnostic Gospel. Each passionate shortcoming of the breakthrough product, much hyped, yet still maligned beyond nitpick, had been redeemed, by painstaking devoted minds, dedicated to unlocking the mysteries of the revolutionary creation, without manual, in disobedience to advice and guidance.

Today the mark is 1.1.1 vs. 1.0.2 — those who have crossed over towards Applist orthodoxy and those resistant, not yet yielding, making due without holy sanctions, verified creed. Perhaps it’s the attraction of a more personal relationship with the Godhead, the sacred code, Kabalah’s sublime intertextual numerology, the open principles of touch-based human interface guidelines and their applications, Gnostic texts canonized by Memex. This divine intimacy of the populace is too much for the orthodoxy to stomach, unmediated transgressors. Only deep within the Vaticanal campus of Cupertino, could the details of iPhone be realized and celebrated through masses. Or could they? The orthodoxy obediently applies edicts from axis mundi, replete with sharia, releasing newly inscribed sacraments of commerce, and trivial revisions to interface ritual, all as sacrifices to the Godhead in the name of stablity, security, and eschatology. The reformists resist the superficialities of bug fixes, feature tweaks, and new revenue streams in favor of purist pursuits of homebrewed exchange and unmediated gadgeteering.

Watch the iPhoneDev splinter group, the prophets Erica Sadun, and her followers, all Digging, the global audience, Natetrue and Nervegas and Nightwatch, all the great disciples of the tripartite theory of Jobs, Ives, and Schiller; now splintering off into a Protestant reformation, rejecting the hegemonies, the hierarchies, the corporate religiosity that puts shareholder before stakeholder, priest before parishoner, mission before congregation, partner before customer, policy before press, business before pleasure.

Other churches reap followers by addressing the misgivings of these loud voices, the difficult choice of switching allegiances, and selecting new identities could be the most drastic reaction to the Applist inquisition. Once dedicated followers, so-called fanboys, mavens, influencers, the variously labeled, occasionally ridiculed, persecuted acolytes of American design purity, objects painstakingly assembled by Chinese workers, clothed in their consumer best, they are lovingly delivered to lavishly spoiled consumers, whose lives change instantly, noticeably, invisibly, despite clear markings and insignia.

Needless to say, we aren’t the only ones jolted into a state of doubt, of second-guessing, a crisis of faith. Our iPhones remain 1.0.2, our AppTap apps continue to dance upon our SummerBoard with a flick, semi-useless, yet somehow indispensable reminders of cherishing the essentials of open, of freedom, of flexibility. We remember not to take for granted the simple joys of the original Applist congregation, enabled to seek more personal relationships with what the breakthrough product enables, beyond expansion and customization: retrogaming, instant messaging, operating systemics, electronic literature, voice recordings, recreation, media redistribution, virtualization, and location-based positioning.

The factionalization inevitably reflects the disconnect between the hierarchy and its Diocese. Cupertino must enforce and enrich its control and influence over the essential elements of its worldview, the device software. There are specific fiduciary duties towards contractual partners and shareholders that asses profound regard in refocusing the consumers attention towards revenue streams and away from endeavors that distract from ongoing tithing. Yet the followers, in their humanistic zeal for coming to know the the device software more intimately, more greatly, more intrinsically, unlocked an interconnection that may not have even been intended for mere mortals. This Pandora’s box exemplifies the detachment of the Tripartite from its congregation. Such a clearly precedented trait of Applists was forgotten, and now fracturing ensues.

Will devotees of Apple fracture into subservient and subversive sects, now prompted to select allegiances?